Food - A Language Of Self Love Or Self Harm?

So often I hear people say “if only I could just eat to fuel my body.”  The sentiment behind this statement is quite logical, wanting to make objective, ‘good’ food choices that we feel in control of, rather than being led by our, seemingly out of control, emotions and making ‘bad’ food choices and feeling guilty. 

However, the truth is we’re not robots, and whilst our physicality may require ‘fuel’ in the form of energy from food, it’s the thinking and feeling ‘human’ who chooses what to eat and when! Also guided by the ‘emotional nutrients’ that we also receive from food.

As human beings, food is essential for our survival, without it we cannot survive for long, so it is also quite logical that we have an emotional relationship with food. 

Even if we wanted it to be, food can never be just fuel, at the very least our emotional relationship with food is inspired by our desire to survive and thrive, whilst also being a source of pleasure, comfort, celebration and love.

And, food directly effects our hormones and mood, therefore our emotional connection with food is literally hard-wired into our brain.

Adopting an approach to eating that denies any emotional connection with food, and just eats for fuel is the cause of much discomfort and self-harm with food. The more we try to control our eating, the more ‘out of control’ we seem to become, feeling utter guilt as we eat the whole bar instead of just a few pieces.

Comfort eating IS a thing because of this emotional connection we have with food. And trying to deny or avoid it is a recipe for disconnection and feeling more hungry than ever.

Instead, what can be incredibly healing and empowering is reconnecting with food in a way that embraces this emotional relationship. Learning how to eat for nourishment, whilst allowing ourselves to feel pleasure and comfort from food.

So many people come to me with supposedly text book perfect diets, yet their health isn’t reflecting the ‘goodness’ of their food choices.

Stop right now and ask yourself this question - are you choosing what to eat because you want to nourish and love your body, or because you feel the need to restrict and/or punish, and you fear food?

These are entirely different starting points that massively influence the relationship your body is going to have with the food you eat, and therefore, the resulting balance or dis-ease that is going to be created.

We consciously/unconsciously express how we feel about our body through our eating behaviours.  And it is this starting point, the intention to self love or self harm, that makes all the difference, regardless of the actual food chosen.

The guiding force behind your food choices is literally a daily representation of either loving your body or harming your body.

Are you comfortable allowing yourself to receive the pleasure of food or do you feel guilty, regretful and pinch yourself off from this nourishment? Notice how this may also be a theme in other areas of your life, not just food.

Just to be clear, this isn't to say that if you eat fruit and vegetables you are loving yourself because they’re ‘healthy’, and if you eat ultra processed foods then you’re harming yourself.  It is much more nuanced than that, it is the INTENTION behind your eating behaviours and food choices that really matter, not the actual food.

So, how do we communicate self love through food, rather than self harm, and why does it matter?  

Self love expressed through positive eating behaviours communicates to your body that it is safe and provided for, under these conditions your body is relaxed and operates in a state of ease and peace, and uses energy for healing, regeneration and rejuvenation. Self harm expressed through eating behaviours under the influence of restriction, fear and punishment communicates a complete lack of safety and nourishment (regardless of the food choice), which creates a state of stress. All energy under these conditions is used for protection, safe-guarding and preparing for your body for worst-case scenario’s… health does not flourish and thrive in this state.

Now, on to the ‘how’.

It all starts with awareness of what thoughts and beliefs about food and your body are driving your eating behaviours.

Regardless of what we actually eat, if choices are driven by restriction, fear, punishment, or we feel guilty for eating, then none of this makes our body feel safe, and none of it communicates love.

To experience our wellbeing and a sense of lightness in our skin, we must learn to eat with love, to make food choices based on a desire to nourish, nurture and comfort ourselves, free-from guilt or negativity, to allow ourselves to receive the nutrition and pleasure of food, on all levels, and to allow what we eat to be a daily practice of devotion and love for our body.

Intention is EVERYTHING, and when it comes to your food choices, becoming more aware of what is driving your eating behaviours will give you powerful insight and the ability to turn any self harm through food into self love.

If you switch your eating behaviours from a form of self harm to a practice of self love then get ready to feel a shift in your energy, and your health and wellbeing. And this doesn’t mean you have to start living on salads!

Much love, Laura xx